Heavy Hearted

I have not been keeping up my blog posts as often as I would like, I think mentally and physically some days I am just beat down. My mind is full of dilemmas, that are weighing on me, and at times I don't want to be the "downer" blog. I am struggling here, not so much with Texas, but with the fact that we do not for see having a business here, and that our main source of income is in Florida...therefor Scott travels, and in turn I am left here alone, and it sucks.

We never even looked into Florida, I was more against it, because I had heard about humidity and bugs. (dumb I know) But the reality is, I should have, and now am seeing more so the affects of the travel and what not, that has been happening this whole past year, and the year prior to us moving here. When we were at home, the travel was masked, masked by my comforts, my family, my best friend next door..it was not until we moved here, and I was taken away from those things, that I could see what had already been happening.

I want to be married for all my life, that was what I committed to, and that is what I want. But more than that I want to be HAPPILY married to my husband for all my life. Traveling every other week, it is like we live a different life when he is gone, the kids are sad, I am sad, and it will be sadder the day we wake up and realize that we don't miss each other anymore, and that this is just "the way it is"...and I don't want that. For myself or our kids. I actually still love Scott, very much, after the 13 years together, I still want to be with him, he is still my best friend, but I at the same time, see the effects of traveling, wedging between us....and that is the last thing I want.

So where this leaves us, I am not sure..it took A LOT to move here, to leave California, and while we would never go back, we need to move forward...It is scary, our decisions lay out the future for us and our kids, that is a heavy weight on our shoulders...we want the very best for them, and I know being apart is not it..

In His Grace