It is raining this morning, therefor I am not walking. I am struggling with the eating thing..I have found over the years (the last couple) I am now a "stress" eater..I used to be a non eater when I was stressed...those days have gone.. I gained about 18-20 lbs in Texas, and all along I thought it was the change in weather, lack of activity..which may be part of it..But for me, I think it was loneliness. Scott was gone and I found comfort in food.
I never in a million years thought those words would come from my mouth.
So here we are in Florida, and I am still struggling with the food thing. You would think we are all together, and it should all be fine..well it is not. In my mind I think I thought we would live full time under the same roof and all would fall back into place. It hasn't. It will take time and adjustment..I get that...Scott has had alot of work issues along with getting the accounts that prompted our move here, labor problems, theft problems..so he has been working late, just about every night. I am trying to be supportive, but I find myself irritated. Thinking, "If this is how it was going to be, I could've stayed at home, in MY house." It doesn't help the fact that I don't want to be here and am on the count down of days and months til we go home.
But it is also our surroundings, I mean really, this is no paradise. I find the people that will actually speak to you, are not here by choice, they are here because of a job, and not because they want to be here...great! Then I meat the ones, who came from other states, nicer people places than here, and struggle to deal with it here, but say they would go home if they could...fantastic! Then I meet the one, whose sister and her family came form Arlington, TX to try to make it here, because their family was here..Guess what happened...They barely made it a year and could not wait to get home to Texas...
I feel their pain. ( I won't make it a year here...hell no)
I have witnessed a woman stealing the free trial packets of laundry detergent, attached to the ones you buy at Walmart. Walmart employees, stockers, cussing aloud in the store, hanging around, not really working, not that that surprises me...everyone and their mother smoking, even with their kids in the car....the trashman looking at my 7 yol daughter, to the point that she said aloud "mommy he scares me"...really, I mean this is no place I want to raise my kids....
At first with this move, and the work opportunity, I saw that this was a sign from God, that we are supposed to go to Florida, the work is there, we could all be together there, and the sun shined...
Now am seeing His signs a little different...I see that maybe in the time I was in Celina, and seeing some of the things I wasn't really used too or did'nt quite get, not coming from a small town...that this is His way of showing me that those things were very minuscule..they really meant nothing...and that this is my wake up call..
When we found Celina, I truly felt it was by God's grace, that we found our house and it was priced way too high...then we found Jeff (our realtor) at a totally different house in Prosper, and he wanted us to see a house in Celina...We did, and it was the house that was priced way out of our range, now for sale under a forced sale through bankruptcy...everything went smoothly, like it was all laid out for us...and it was...
So while I am struggling to find the good here (cause there is not much) I am seeing now what I think God is trying to teach me:
Patience
Gratitude
Trust
and being content, while waiting and leaning on Him.
I do see the light at the end of the tunnel...and I am leaning on Him to get me there.
I love your honesty. Just keep swimming. :)
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