wordless wednesday

Coming, Going, Swimming & Father's Day...

It has been hectic to say the least, with Scott only home almost 48 hours, then leaving again..it has been tough! So here is a quick recap..plus Blogger was acting up, not recognizing me, and deleted my post that was set to go up today...not happy..

Friday Night Nicholas and Scott flew in...YAY!!

Saturday we hung out, went to lunch for Father's day at La Hacienda (YUM) But since I have been doing Atkins, no going out has been all that exciting for me..I just like to be out and about, all of us together, more than anything.. Bella had her swim softball party that evening, it was nice..she got her first Softball trophy and was very excited!!

They are like fish, my kids, they could be in here all day...which is fine by me..and in exactly 2 weeks we will be on the road...again (that should be our theme song) going to the beach and preparing to move in our new house!! (which has a pool) another yay!

Bella was very proud of her trophy..Brynne kept telling me "when i play baseball, I am gonna get one of those, momma"...So cute!

Sunday was nice, hectic, but nice! I wanted to wish all our Dad's a Happy Father's Day, and tell them that we miss and love them, lots!

And to my husband...I LOVE HIM IMMENSELY! He is an awesome dad, he has the patience, I wish I had..he is the most loving, caring, fun dad...eva! (not to mention husband too)...We are so counting down the days when we feel like we can be "normal" again..start rebuilding our life and memories, all together, the way it is supposed to be!

This morning Bella woke up with her eyes glued shut..pink eye is back to haunt my house..So I have been a lysol spraying clean freak today...They went to the dentist this morning, all is well with Scotty, but because of Bella's eye, I had to reschedule for next week, and Brynne will get to go to, that outta be fun...

Not much going on this week, trying to get a handle on the packing and cleaning out stuff some more...good times.

Have a happy Monday and a great start to your week!

Fantabulous....

So today I got Bella's Professional pics back, and HHHEEEEELLLLOOOOOOO, They are Fantabulous!!! Look for your self...

Bella and Abby

 So Beautiful...

 Amazing....

I told you they were Fantabulous!!! You can check Holly out here.....Lillybellephotography

Big Hugs....XO

a week lumped into a days post...

This week has been one of many emotions and trying to stay busy, which is hard!! The kids did VBS this week, and loved it!!! They had different themes each day, Crazy Hair, Silly Socks and Crazy Hats...I did take pics of the hair day, but the others, well they all started to run together, and I forgot!!

It was fun the kids always LOVE to "color" their hair, so they were happy! Surprisingly Brynne stayed at VBS, this my friends is HUGE!! She is always glued to my side..the first night she was fine, then the second sunk in, and there were tears...BUT, by God's grace, her teacher just happened to be a teacher at her old school, and a great friend of Mrs. Cindy's...so it was all good!

The kids had their check ups for physicals for registration at their new schools...Brynne had hers last week, and needed 4 shots, it was awful!! So the other two were a little concerned when they were going, as they saw how Brynne's appointment went! But all was well!!

I got to view Bella's dance recital pictures, and they were soooo good, I will share those when I get the cd...yes they were that good, I had to get them all....of course..

Last night was a family cook out at VBS, since it was the last night..The kids got up with each of their classes and sang a song for us, even Brynne! Amazing the way God touches their hearts!!

 Abby L, Bella and Abby O.

 The girls were really into it! i was a proud momma...I love that Bella Loves God, Loves her friends and really got to enjoy this with them..a great memory....

 Scotty was kind of tucked in the back, where I could hardly see him!! But I am always watching...I was happy to see him singing with Jackson and praising God...This is a kid who flourished immensely in Awanas, NEVER wanting to miss one class, He is a friend that invited kids that never had been, He is hands down a friend to all and Loves God..with all his heart!!

So at the cook out aka bbq (if your from California) We hung out on the grass, the kids ate cotton candy, funnel cakes and soda....good times... I on the other hand have been doing Atkins and got no pleasure in watching them consume all the yummy stuff i would have loved to eat...I have been sticking to it, it has been hard, but I think it will pay off. i also realized what the problem is, partially, I eat out of boredom..Not Good.

 It is always funny to me, to see Brynne right on in there with the girls..she wants to be with them so much! It also makes me a little sad, because Bella is not always happy that she is around.....Abby L. LOVES Brynne though and always makes her feel welcome, that warms my heart! I know Bella loves Brynne, but I think she just wants to be with her "girlfriends"...someday she will realize how lucky she is to have Brynne...

Me, Lainey and Honey hung out...sat on the grass in the little bit of shade we could find, so we did not die out there of heat exhaustion..It actually was not that bad..oh how I would rather be hot than cold! I love these nights here, it is 90* when it's 10 o'clock at night...L.O.V.E . I.T!!

As I was sitting with my friends, I was thinking of the things I will miss, and they are definitely one of them!! I will miss the closeness of a small town, the friends the kids have made, I think it is going to be a sad good bye...for so many reasons of "what could have been".

As I drove home, the sunset was an amzing color of pink and blue, the clouds almost looked like the shape of a tornado..it was really pretty. Texas has the best sunsets..Big open spaces, the sky is huge!

Happy Friday my friends, Biggest Hugs to you!!

not much new...

I do not have a lot of news to report...just been packing and trying to get things in some what of an order around here...Been swimming a few times with Lainey and her girls, and yesterday we swam at JB's...Also last night VBS started at the same church the kids did awanas, so they are excited, and more so, am excited because Brynne went and actually stayed!! I told her she would have fun, and she did!! YAY!! so that will run til Thursday..

Today is D day..Not good for me. I started Atkins! and it is 11:34 and I already have a headache! Wish me luck, this bread girl is gonna need some support! Big Time!

wordless wednesday..........survival

mixed bag

So lately I am feeling like a mixed bag of emotions..all different kinds jumbled into one. The last week was tough, saying some good byes, it felt just as hard in some ways as it it did in California. maybe it was just all too real, too quick, not planned, not expected..all of those things in one.

As I sat the other night, I thought to myself about everything that has changed and transpired, and it was the first time, I was like, "I can't believe we are doing this again." and I can't....I am sad..and really lonely here, but yet the upcoming change is scary too...I feel bad for our kids, even Scotty more so..he just is so quiet and shy, like I WAS, when I was a kid..and as much as I want to change that for him, I can't, he is who HE is, not who I want him to be. But none the less, he is a smart and bright boy, so polite and sweet, so when I have to see his heart hurt, it hurts mine, in a different way.

When I was a kid, from what I can remember, we moved alot, and that is the last thing I want my kids to get used too, I don't want "good-bye's" to be normal..I want them to have friends that they grow with and have for a long time...something I never had...

Isn't that what being a parent is though, having, giving and and wanting to give your kids what you did not have or felt you lacked?? And I don't mean monetarily, I mean stability and emotionally...

So at times like these when our life feels upside down, I struggle..I struggle with our choices and contemplate too much..worry too much...just plain THINK too much, and it wears me down!!
Some days I just feel done...but then a little smile, and hand drawn picture, a kiss from my littlest...changes all the things I feel...finding a note Bella started to write to me, that she turned upside down that I would not see, saying "I love you Mom, you are the best mom in the world.." Even when I don't feel like one...Or a note from Scotty telling me that he is sorry for being loud at the doctors office...(a few days ago) which he drew  a picture of me and him..he has the sweetest heart...

That's the thing, I don't want to ruin my kids, make them numb to things that should be upsetting, I don't want them to have a broken spirit....

Changes are coming, BIG ones, again..and am really trying to focus on the positive...I think with all the changes come doubt and questioning...when it shouldn't...But somehow it sneaks in...

foiled plans

Today we waited all day, to meet up with Lainey and her girls at their community pool. It has been so hot, we have been couped up with not a lot to do when it's a 100* out...so we were anxious to say the least....4 o'clock rolled around, I hit Sonic and missed Happy Hour by about 1 minute...that should have been a sign. Got gas and ice for our drinks...we were set to meet at the pool....

As we got there, there was no one there...I was thinking "awesome..pool to ourselves"...then I saw this..............

This is the reason my friends I don't do community pools.....

Lasts

Today is the start of many "lasts" and I am dreading them all...It is the last day of school, the last drive I will make to drop off my kidos and wave to my friends..The last day I will see Mr. pasquas' smiling face at my car door, telling me how wonderful my son is..the last day I will see my kids walk to the gym together, and me telling Scotty to wait for his sister....The last day, as they get out of the car, my telling them to be a good friend, to treat others like they want to be treated, and to have a good day...It is the last.

Also a day that I have not talked about on here, is the day Daisy goes to a new home. Which is also today. We were unable to find any house that would allow a "big" dog, let alone any dog, and now as I write this I am imaging my kids heartbreak today when she gets picked up, and mine. There have been a many times I questioned why I got a dog, when she has run off, chewed up something or done something along those lines..but those things grew on me. As she has grown, she has gotten better, she just wants what we all want, to be loved. That she is, that is why this is going to crush my kids, especially Scotty. I am dreading 11:30..

This brings up a lot of feelings for me that I am pushing down, I am scared about moving, even though I do not post it..I am scared of what this and all the other changes will do to my kids, to me, to my marriage...This was supposed to be "IT"...We were supposed to stay here, we bought a house and told our kids this was "IT"...we got them a dog, that we said we would have forever, and now we won't...I feel like a liar, I feel like a failure, I feel like I let them down, I let myself down. As positive as I try to be, as much as I pray, as much as I ask for help and guidance, I feel myself failing. I feel myself unsure and afraid, something i keep giving to God, but I feel it coming back to me...

I am tired, this traveling is wearing on me, it is wearing on the kids and to say I am feeling beat down, is an understatement. I feel almost mad that I am having to do this alone..not actually mad at Scott, but I think mad at the situation..All the tears and upset of today will bring heavy hearts and heavy shoulders, a weight I am not ready to carry..I am envisioning the way today will go, and somehow I don't think it will all be just fine.

I am sad to leave here, leave the friends I have made, leave the new comforts I know..I am sad for what could have been, had we stayed. I hear songs that remind me of Bella cheering and Scotty playing football...Seeing friends at Sonic after school, when we didn't plan it..I am just sad.

I know all the things I am worried about, I will have somewhere else, there is always cheer and sports..and things to be a part of..But right now as it is all coming to a close, I don't feel ready...I am not ready for it to be over...I am not ready to say good bye..again..it is too soon.

wordless wednesday