Thursday, July 28, 2011

why, what if, where, what could or would be......

So Scott is on his way here to Florida with our furniture, and another load is coming with our 150+ boxes...good times await me on Monday, and I welcome them! I welcome some normal, some new, and see what awaits, but not without the what if's in life...

Scott got to Celina late Monday night in order to get Nicholas on his flight to California on Tuesday...Tuesday came and it hit my husband like a ton of bricks....HE was in our house, alone, with our memories and work to distract him or take his mind away from what was right in front of him. memories of our good times, our dog, our beautiful house with property, Friday night football games, eating Mexican food...yummy donuts and so much more...the MOST being good people who welcomed us, helped us, cared for us, would do anything for us...and you just don't get that anywhere...and that is what scares me.

Each time I talked to him, I literally thought he was going to say "screw this, we aren't doing this"...But I also knew that had that been said, while it sounds good, it sounds comfortable, we would have been right back where we were when he had to get on a plane for the week...ALONE, for the both of us.

So we had long discussions and feelings were felt, some hit us harder than we thought...I cried.

In the discussions, we both agreed that this had to be done for now, that we would go into this move into this house, into the school and sports whole it the best of us, while also taking this time to rebuild a relationship between the two of us that has suffered over the last two years of travel, and that time missed with our kids and us on a whole. We also decided that if in the next year, we did not feel this was a fit for our family, or what we wanted for them in the long run, we would go home...home meaning Texas, not California. While we still have our house in California, it is not an option. California reminds me a little of where we are here in Florida, and that scares me, because I am seeing alot of the reasons we left California, right in front of me...all over again.

So we will keep our house in Texas....until we get a feel here and make that decision, when we feel like we have given it enough time, when we feel that WE as husband and wife, can make that decision together on a whole...a decision based on BOTH our experiences...

Yes the weather was not an easy transition for this California girl, but for us, the values, morals, prayers at school, the manners and the friendliness go along way. What do I want for my kids...Can I say I want them to be good people, with love, manners, God in their hearts, helpful to others? YES...Do I think you can have that ANYWHERE....maybe, but I know they can have that in Texas.....I experienced it and saw it first hand, and it is amazing.

So while my heart has been more than heavy the last couple days, I am trying to see the light...I hate the thought of moving again and disrupting my kids life again, in a is heartbreaking...and even before we get moved in, I have to put that thought and those feelings on the back burner..Celina isn't going anywhere, I doubt it will change in the next year...and I know we could go back and pick up where we left off, like it was yesterday...because it is Home.

So I will continue to do what I have been, praying diligently to God to lead us, to take us on His path, and that we will follow....I pray for His strength, His will and want for our life, and that we will be blessed by his Grace for our Faithfulness....
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1 comment:

  1. Aww! I am sorry that you guys are going through this. I am here in So Cal. and don't really want to move out of state, and definately NOT East Coast, Ha! But I would love to move up North, like to the Sierra's, cuz I crave what you do. I want my kids to experience a less worldly life, and to enjoy a life where there is a sense of community, and with people who fear the Lord like we do. I use to have clients from Texas, and I always appriciated how polite their children were. Yes mam', etc. I'm from Colorado originally and there was that slower pace of life there too. And when I say "slower", I don't mean boring, I mean there was a sense of community, a faith in God, lots of outdoor activites, stuff like that. Here, although we even live in a semi rural area, I wouldn't dare let my kids roam around or enjoy the outdoors without me for fear of them being snatched up. :/ I HATE that! But I still admire your courage and struggle. I wish you the very best in finding what you search for. God will be faithful to carry you, I know. Love your blog. :)


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