Friday, September 9, 2011


Well the end of another week on my calendar has been marked off....YAY! The week was a little rough, Brynne came home Wednesday not feeling good, she ended up with an ear infection...Thursday Scotty came home with a sore throat, thankfully no strep...just a virus.

We had practice only a few nights, due to rain and lightening...I can't believe how much rain they get here, I think Scott said since September 1, they have gotten like 4 inches...I keep hoping Texas gets some rain, I know they need it...I would be scared to see my grass or what is left of it right now!

Scott has been busy working, and I have been trying to keep busy to pass the time. Yesterday was a rough day, Bella was actually crying to me that she wanted to go home and she missed her friends. That is not typical of her, she is my carefree and strong willed....I wondered if she had a bad day at school, I asked..she said no. I asked if anyone was mean to her, another no...she just missed her friends...all I could say was "I know"

I feel like there are my good days, where the time seems to go by quickly, I tell myself  "I can do this"..then there are they days where time is dragging on, I feel like I am not going to make it til February...and I don't want to.

Busy is always better...but some days there just isn't enough to do to keep me busy. Anyone who knows me, knows I am a busy body, I am always doing "something" and that something usually revolves around my office...sewing, stamp stuff, scrap booking, creating something...and I have not unpacked that stuff. Really if you saw my office, at home, it was jam packed...and when we moved there is an easy 15 medium boxes packed to the brim...A LOT of STUFF....So while I know it could help me keep busy, I am hesitant to do all the work it takes to put it all away for a short time of being here...I thought, well I will unpack the scrapbook stuff or just my sewing stuff, but because of the amount of stuff, I changed my mind...

So I will try to keep busy in other ways. I have been walking everyday, in our neighborhood..I use that time to think as well as pray and talk to God. Talk to him about my fears, express my hopes, and ask for forgiveness in the areas where I fail miserably, ask to be led, and guide my heart to be more like His.

It is in times of struggle where alot of people find comfort in God. I can say I seek Him in both, happy and hard times... There are times where I feel like I can never get ahead...and times where I am on top of the world, and He knows all of them.. There are so many days I feel like I don't deserve His love, none of us do, because we always fall short...

I will give some background....I was not raised going to church. Unless we visited my grandparents in Maryland (my mom's side) we did not go to church. I knew there was God, but I didn't really know anything else. Do I think you have to go to church to know God, No, does it help? In my case Yes, because I do not know much about God or church or the Bible...Easter a few years back, when we still lived in California, my Best Friend Melissa asked if we wanted to go to Easter service, and we did. We continued to go to church, pretty regularly while we were in California. When we moved to Prosper originally, I had already researched a few churches. We got settled in and started at Lighthouse, and really liked it. It was like our church in California, but much smaller. Loved the music, we wore jeans, it was very laid back...See when we would go to church I always got very overwhelming feelings of Hope...I always cried, no matter what. Not really out of sadness, but alot of other feelings..more like undeserving, maybe not really understanding...does that make sense?

I could always talk to Melissa, she was not raised going to church, but her sister had been a Christian for 20+ years, she always could turn to her sister and ask questions, and if I would ask her something, and she didn't know, she would ask her sister...Melissa always helped me, in my walk, always explained God is different in every ones life at different times..I struggled sometimes, but knew He had already been a part of my life before that Easter Service.

There were times prior to that that we were definitely led, in the right direction by God. I with all my heart believe that. Even us finding Celina...our friends there, our connections, they all are by the Grace of God. I remember meeting my friend Susan, at Lighthouse. I saw her faith and happiness, she is someone who is always so positive and smiling, she is always nice, lifting up others, and I remember wondering and thinking I wish I was like that. I wanted to have that kind of faith, that kind of hope, that kind of knowing God. She was and is an inspiration in my life, she is so Sweet and caring, a role model, if you will.

So while I struggle in my walk, at times, I know He is here. He has watched over me, in ways I didn't realize until later in life. He has brought relationships and people in and out of my life for a reason, I know that. He is accepting of me, when I am not of myself. He knows ME, My heart and my will, I know that...sometimes I just have to keep telling myself that! Keep convincing myself that I am worthy...even when I don't feel it....It is hard when I look at myself and look at others who know Him better than I do. Maybe they were raised that way, maybe that is all they know...and I feel like I wished I had had that, when I was younger, I wish I would have know God then. As an adult, I think that has been the hardest, not being taught when I was a kid, not being involved in church when I too would have not known any different...

But while I wish I had had that, now is my time to give that to my kids, to have them "know" and not question it..and for that day in my life, when Melissa asked me to church, I am forever grateful..or the day Susan approached me at VBS, and reached out to me....I am thankful...forever grateful to God.

Happy Friday
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