Thursday, December 30, 2010

To Do in 2011

Tonight I am feeling a little heavy hearted...I wasn't earlier, but I am now...I read quite a few blogs, and sometimes I run into stories that tear my heart apart....Then I realize how ungrateful I think I am..taking everyday, like you are given a tomorrow...there are so many things on my To-Do List, that I forget what is most important, and I may not have a tomorrow.

In 2011, I want to lose 10lbs, I want to eat better, look better, BE better...But it goes way deeper than skin or surface for me...I want to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend.I want to go to church, be in a place where I fit in, not be judged by how often I attend or don't attend...But know my place with God, and that I know, God Knows who I am... i am far from perfect, am  daily sinner, not by choice, it is our nature as being Human...

I want to relish in every minute with my kids make the most of even the very small memories...On one of the blogs I read, a young mom of 2 girls ages 2 & 6, was killed in a car accident, and was 7 months pregnant as well. the baby has survived, but do not know his condition...This horrific happening, made me think, think about my life, think about this ladies' husband, her children, how he will go on with out her, how he will heal...Will her children remember her, what memories will they have to keep of her, close to their heart? how will not having a mom affect their life, their childhood, their adult lives...the list is growing and so are the tears in my eyes....I am so sad for this family...I can not imagine...

Brie This is the link to Brie's blog....Please pray for their family....
That brings me to my feelings about my life and death...and my relationship with God..Something I do struggle with, and have made no secrets about that. I have the want, some knowledge, but how do I get "there", there being in a relationship with God...Someone you don't see,touch, or hear? I did not grow up going to church...I only have been going to church the last couple of years, in part to my best friend Melissa, inviting us for Easter...I went more regularly before we moved, I enjoyed our pastor, he made it very easy to understand, and relate to everyday life, the economy, relationships, marriages and how to incorporate God into it..

Do I believe God sent his only son to die on the cross for our sins? For my sins alone? Yes, but Why? Why, when we are ssssooooo undeserving of a love so pure, so perfect, so true..Something we, being human, will never have or be able to give, without another feeling attached. It is hard for me to process sometimes, I struggle alot with how to obtain this relationship...and it is something I vow to work on in the next year...along with a lot of other things...

Tonight my heart is truly broken for this family, I am sorry for their loss, and how they will heal, is unimaginable to me..

"Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."
Psalm 145:18-19

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