Monday, October 17, 2011


So I have been thinking alot today..not about any one thing, but a bunch of different things..Going home, the anticipation. Business what are we going to do now. Focus on raising our kids, and working on a relationship that has been strained by travels and moving..lots of stuff, and Oh ya, the diet. I am trying to pinpoint what is wrong with me? Is me being 15 pounds skinnier going to make me happier, prettier, healthier, happier? Not really. Yes I can fit in my clothes, about 90% of them, but looking at it, that is not the root of the problem.

The problem I think for me, is so much change and not really knowing how to deal with it. Being lonely, being nervous..basically pushing the pause button on our life, and now getting ready to hit play. I have a hard time doing things for ME. Yes I sew, I craft, I bake, and I love all those things, but they are not necessarily for ME. They revolve around others, around our children, and yes those things bring me happiness, alot of happiness. Baking something for the classroom or school, eating out with friends, those things are social things that bring me happiness. No it is not about the food, it is about being recognized or together.

Recognition, something that goes by the way side for a lot of stay at home moms..I feel like my life has been so upside down for so long, that I have not been being the parent I want or need to be, and that makes me sad. Yes I do all the things my kids need on a daily basis, but really is that what they need? Obviously they need someone to help them get ready, feed them, clean them and their clothes, remind them of homework and chores..but where is the fun part of being a mom? I feel like with our life in boxes, everything on hold, the fun is missing.

So I am looking forward to not so much picking up where I left off, but making it new for both Scott and I, since he was gone so much, he did not have or make the connections that I did. I look forward to regaining and strengthening our relationship, being better parents for what our kids need, going back to church, and finding a way to be happy with ME, no matter what I look like. Yes I am happy I got into my jeans, but the sacrifice, was unrealistic. I mean Yes it can be done, but am I never going to eat a donut, or enjoy some Mexican food or a five guys burger, or even the comfort food dinners I love to make in the winter? NO WAY! It means that I will have to learn to do it in moderation, and try to exercise, to a point that I am comfortable with and can maintain. (and I hate to exercise)

So while the next few weeks are busy, I am still a little lonely, especially during the day, trying to find mundane things to fill my is boring! I am praying  and connecting with God on a level I may never have done, had this move not happened...and for that I am eternally grateful, everything happens for a reason, and God is Good, always....

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